A large part of healing involves setting boundaries.
Boundaries, in my own language, are the intersection at which I can take care of myself and be fully present with you. They’re guidelines for how I want to be treated and how I choose to respond.
It’s when I don’t set those guidelines for myself that I lose myself in other people. In their opinions, their worlds.
Your personal boundaries communicate to others -- and to your own self -- what works for you and what doesn’t.
When it comes to the healing process, your boundaries might sound like this:
- Instead of trying to fix other people, you sit in their discomfort with them.
- You practice letting go of what’s not yours to hold.
- You take more responsibility for the energy you allow into your life and into your heart.
- You take time and space for yourself when you need a break.
- You become more selective with your Yes’s.
It’s not a piece of cake to set boundaries. It requires clarity and commitment on your part, and it takes a lifetime because your life is not stagnant.
Who you were 10 years ago probably isn’t who you are now, not completely. What you needed then isn’t always what you need now, or what you’ll need a decade from now.
Things will happen in your life that change everything. And when they happen, there will be new things to heal. New needs to fill. Old ways to drop.
You live and learn and figure it out.
You figure out that when you let go of what goes on inside of others, you get to grow what's beautiful inside of you.
You figure out that if you practice clear limits, you experience less resentment and burnout, greater joy and confidence. Life is easier.
These affirmations reflect what I need right now, and what I'm working on. May they serve you.
10 Affirmations to Help You Set Boundaries With Love
1. I can stand up for what I believe in without shunning someone else’s truth. I can stand strong in my own presence without making others feel less-than. I can speak up for myself and listen, really listen, to what others have to say. I can be seen and heard without raising my voice. I don’t need to fight to feel better about who I am and what I know -- I just need to know myself enough to let others be who they are, too.
2. I don’t need to explain every decision I make. I don’t need to accept every invitation to an argument. I don’t need the opinions of others to understand who I am. I do what I need to do to keep my light, so that I can be a light for those around me.
3. How people treat me is their karma; how I react is mine. (paraphrased from a quote by Dr. Wayne Dyer)
4. It’s not my responsibility to change other people; others’ responsibilities do not belong to me. I can hold a space for others to work through their problems without taking their problems into my own hands. It’s not for me to decide the lessons someone else needs to learn.
5. I can respect the feelings of others and still honor my own.
6. What other people do and say may affect me, but at the end of the day, what goes on inside of me is my own responsibility.
7. It’s okay to spend time alone without explaining myself. It’s okay to say No and feel good about saying it. It’s okay to let go of my own expectations now and then. This is my life, after all, and it’s my job to figure out what’s best for me.
8. It’s okay to let my scars and imperfections show because I’m beautifully human and I’m proud to be here.
10. I am allowed to ask for what I need. I am a giver AND I am not above receiving. I honor the balance of give and take in my life.
. . .
What’s a personal boundary you've set in your life, that’s helped (or would help) you honor what you need?
Tell me in the comments. I’d love to know what works for you right now (and what doesn’t!).
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