What if you’re not ready to change? What if you’re not ready to feel the full spectrum of your feelings? What if you feel rushed in your healing… even if it’s been months, years since you started hurting?
What if other people want something for you, but you’re not ready for it?
This is a short note just to say… it’s OK. You’re OK.
Negative feelings aren’t fun for any of us, but they’re still part of your life experience. They’re partly what guides you into being who you most want to be, into being yourself… eventually.
And *everything* you feel is allowed to take up space.
You can decide to honor each and every one of your feelings, however uncomfortable, however terrifying they are.
Just remember that your feelings aren't YOU.
To deny your feelings is to deny your own presence.
Since my brother’s suicide 8 years ago and my father’s death 3 years ago, I’ve learned that I can only move forward once I honor where I am now. Truly honor it. And give myself a break for not feeling better yet, and for not knowing how to be better.
And if you’re not ready to change? Let yourself be here, as you are. Let your feelings be here too, even if you can’t dive into them yet.
This kind of thing takes time.
In time your wounds will heal. They’ll heal when you listen to what they have to say, without forcing them to change their story or their lifespan.
After all, your pain is a sacred expression of the truth of the moment, and an important part of what connects us.
Your pain is part of your story, part of how you can help others, but it’s not the whole picture.
Your feelings are real, but they’re not who you are. You’re so much more than that, my dear. You’re more than words can hold, more than the light can show.
Sitting in the darkness, I learned about the power of my own light. I’ve learned a whole lot more about the light, actually, by being open to the darkness than by enclosing myself in light.
Sogyal Rinpoche said something perfect about this. He said: “Light must come from inside. You cannot ask the darkness to leave; you must turn on the light.”
So don’t ignore the part of you that isn’t ready for change, that isn’t ready to be expressed. That part has something it still needs to show you.
Don’t ask the darkness to leave.
Turn on the light. See what’s here. Let it be so. Let it teach you, guide you, change you. Feel your way through the pain, when you’re ready.
You’ll get there. You're strong enough to get there.
The way things are right now — they won’t always be this way.
These things take time.
In the meantime, if you can learn to be kinder to yourself, even aches and wounds can be opportunities to love better.
Treat yourself like a garden and you’ll see, that you don’t have to bloom all year long.
You’ll see that you’re here to heal the pieces of yourself into remembrance -- of the wholeness you already are, the wholeness you came from. Maybe you’re here to forget, so that you can feel the bliss of remembering.
Just for this moment, accept that. Accept your pieces, your own brokenness.
Accepting yourself first, before trying to feel better, is the seed of self-love and self-trust that blooms later on.
It’s OK to not be ready right now. It’s OK to be you.
. . .
Which of these words did you most need to read today?
Tell me in the comments. I’d love to know what you think, how you feel. And what you share here might be just the thing someone else needs to read.
P.S. For your heart, whenever you need it: take this meditation and give yourself a break.