One Simple Thing to Ask Yourself After Your Heart’s Been Broken
If you've ever thought things like…
"Why me?" or "What if... ?" or "Could I have done anything different?"
... here's another question for you:
Now that you’re here, after all you've been through, what will you do?
I think this is a more helpful question to ask because, instead of trying to change the past or alter reality by escaping the facts, you put yourself in the present moment. Which is your starting point for claiming a new reality, one where your past doesn’t control you.
You plant yourself right here and now, where new life can grow.
First of all, if you’ve been through some really trying times, it means you’ve made it this far. You’re here, and that’s something. That’s something worth stopping to acknowledge, and appreciate.
It’s okay to honor where you’ve been without staying stuck there. You don’t have to pretend you haven’t been to hell and back. You don’t have to hide your story, run away from the pain, dwell on every single mistake.
Whatever happened then, you’re allowed to start all over again. To change your mind, to love another time. To do things differently going forward.
But since you can’t change what’s already happened, I recommend asking yourself one simple thing:
“Now that I’m here, what will I do?”
If you’ve read my Healing Brave Manifesto, you’ll know 5 ways to answer that:
- Feel. Show up for the pain. Sit with it. How’s your heart? Honor that.
- Be kind. To yourself as you hurt and heal. To others as they flounder and navigate.
- Connect. Through empathy, story, and hope. Share what hurts and helps.
- Cultivate. Make something. Turn your wounds into wisdom or art or purpose. Plant seeds. Test out a new beginning.
- Continue. Keep going. Do what you can. You will evolve. Stay for the miracle. This is life.
That’s what healing brave means to me. But that manifesto was never meant to cover everything. Because: I don’t know it all.
If you haven’t read the manifesto, you can sign up to get that emailed to you right here, for free.
Here’s what I want to know:
What does healing brave mean to you?
Now that you’re here, after everything you’ve survived, what will you do?
For you, is it more about honoring how you feel or helping out? About making something new, or talking about it, or something else?
Leave a comment on this post and tell me what's made the most difference to you, or what “answers” you’d add to the five I shared above.
Tell me about what helps. What self-kindness looks like (hot tea? time alone? speaking up?). Or what you wish more people knew about what you’ve gone through.
What you share here helps me help other people, who feel the way you do. It might just inspire the next thing I make…
Your friend and fan,
Jen
Comments on this post (6)
Dianne, you are so right. Thank you for sharing! Your strength and beauty are evident to me, even if you don’t always feel strong. Healing sometimes takes a lifetime. Sending you all my love and thanks. x
— Jennifer Williamson
THANK YOU SO MUCH for your 5 Healing Brave steps. I lost my husband of 51 years, pretty much my whole life. And I can only add EMBRACE the changes that will come because it is still hard to move 4 years later. AGAIN…thanks and hugs from me.
— Dianne Stachmus
Jill, WOW. Thank you! You’re such an inspiration to me, a light on my own path and I’m so grateful you wrote and shared this here. I absolutely agree, it’s just a little willingness to see things differently. To open up to a new train of thought, a new kind of approach, and forgiveness/compassion/awareness plays a big role in that. Thank you for being who you are and for being open and willing. x
— Jennifer Williamson
Healing brave is being open to the idea that there can be a healing and trusting the Universe/God/Divine that it knows what I need for that healing. When my suffering was so great from my son’s suicide and I couldn’t find a reason , I came to a place Of surrender . I don’t know, I don’t need to know. I had to let go if I was ever to have joy again and go in living . I was inspired by the thought that depression stole his life, I am not going to let it steal mine. for now I will walk in Faith and Trust that a higher Wisdom much greater then mine or even what I can fathom has a Divine plan for all of this. And in that place, everything I needed for my healing came to me…. books, friends, study groups, time and space . Healing brave is just a little willingness to see it differently. Love you and all that you are and bring to this world.
— Jill Martin
Jim, you are amazing too. It’s amazing to be here with you.
— Jennifer Williamson
Healing brave is a moon meditation.
Healing brave is a cloud meditation .
Healing brave is seeing beauty again.
— A grateful friend