A Prayer for Those Who Have Lost Loved Ones to Suicide
“It is a serious thing just to be alive on this fresh morning in this broken world.” — Mary Oliver
Losing a loved one to suicide shapes your life forever. Even knowing someone who’s lost someone to suicide can change your life.
Suicide loss presents a unique kind of grief, complicated by unanswered questions, stigma from those who don’t understand, and sometimes immense guilt in the face of such devastation.
It’s uncomfortable to talk about. Which is why we should talk about it.
Today, for me, talking about suicide loss means writing a prayer for those who have survived it.
Whether you’ve lost a loved one to suicide or not, I think it’s important to show up to the conversation with compassion and an open mind — with the willingness to understand what someone else is going through or has gone through.
If you do know someone who's lost someone this way, please pass this prayer along to them as a heartfelt "I see you." It always makes me feel less solitary when people do that for me.
For better and for worse, for each other and for yourself, thank you for showing up for this life. It does mean the world to someone.
A Prayer for Those Who Have Lost Loved Ones to Suicide
May we be free to grieve in our own ways.
May we take all the time we need to heal the wounds nobody can see.
May we give ourselves the compassion we wish our loved ones could have felt.
May we open our hearts even though it hurts, and recognize that it hurts because it mattered, and that our hearts are big enough to hold it all.
May we allow ourselves the space to process such great pain.
May we learn patience and forgiveness and accept that so many questions will not have answers.
May we never close our own lives to the support we know we need.
May the support systems we build teach us courage and faith, and to honor our loved ones’ lives and everything they were to us.
May the pain we carry grow lighter as we grow stronger.
May we find purpose in the darkness we’ve crawled through, and be brave enough to make meaning out of what we can’t change.
May we choose expression over silence, and solidarity over solitude.
May we create something beautiful out of what happened, whatever kind of beauty we’re drawn to, and may everything we do in love, be done for them.
In their name, may we learn to love all over again, and again, and again.
"May the radiance and beauty of their lives never be defined by their death." (unknown)
As we remember their light, may we feel that same light flowing through our veins.
No matter how long it’s been, may we feel their presence so completely, it’s almost as if they’ve never left.
. . .
Tell me:
What did you need to hear most today, or what did you need most back when your grief was brand new?
Tell me in the comments. Hearing your thoughts helps us all.
Love,
Jen
Comments on this post (18)
Just the fact that we are telling the truth matters. My partner left us two weeks and three days again and I found him dead In our home. He used argon gas. His family is being very difficult right now and they moved the date of his funeral so now I won’t be able to attend bc it’s in LA. I’m
Just happy that some people can tell the truth about what happened and not lie like his family is. They will say at his funeral that it was natural causes. Thank you🙏🏽
— Thazin
My handsome 46 yr old son killed himself with an over dose of heroin laced with Fentanyl, at 1 am Labor Day morning in Atlanta! He had recently been very depressed with financial problems over his trucking company, his 2 children being taken out of his life for over 2 years, his 12 year old trans gender daughter, and his current alcoholic girlfriend! He felt he had no other options! It is so sad because he felt he could not make his life work out anymore and was so very lonely and hopeless!! I am now left with so many questions that will never be answered! I force myself to keep going but I am so angry and hurt ! I believe there is simply nothing to nothing!!!!
— Peggy
I lost my baby brother to suicide on February 6, 2023. His name is Michael “Bubba” McClenan, and he will forever be 30years old. This year has been a lot of firsts without him. It’s a grief I can hardly carry at times. A steadfast pain that waxes and wanes like the moon, yet is always there. He lived with me for years until he got married. We both used to say we just wanted no more pain in life, but only wanted peace. I’ve talked him off the ledge so many times. The morning he hung himself, he was supposed to call me. I’ll never get that call. I wonder if he knew if he called that I’d talk him out of it? I have so many unanswered questions that I know I’ll never have the answers to. I miss him dearly. I’ll never forget him.
— Erica Allen
Thanks. It’s been 15 months since my son Jessie took his life doesn’t get easier. Have found that knowing I’m not the first parent to go through this and unfortunately won’t be the last gives me strength. Cause if they can move forward so can I. I’m going through court at the moment so that my son’s children can get back regular contact as my son’s ex stopped it. I have one of them living with me. So hard 😫. Thanks for helping support people through this. I’m a mental health worker but nothing prepares you for when it’s one of your own.
— Trudie
My 48 years old son committed suicide on March 10 of this year by jumping from a balcony from a twenty fifth floor. He was an excellent son, husband and father. He left two sons behind of 17 and 18 years old. They had moved from Chile to this country in 2020 and were having serious financial difficulties. We were all helping them to overcome their economic issues and apparently it was getting better, so he was telling us, but it was no true and he decided to end the pain and kill himself. He sent a text to his wife telling her that he felt like a failure and that he had disappointed the entire family, he wrote that he was the problem and was taking himself out of the way, he asked for forgiveness and asked her to tell the family to forgive him.
I can’t express the pain, sadness and anger that I feel not towards him, but towards God. I knew that they were going through hard times and I was asking God to help them, to open a door for him and give him wisdom and opportunity. And this happens. I am absolutely broken, my faith is gone, and no matter how much my friends pray for me I feel that I am in a very dark túnel walking with no end in sight.
Thank you for allowing me to write this.
Esmeralda
— Esmeralda
I never thought I would need to seek out a prayer like this. Thank you for filling in some comfort and wisdom on a dark day. ☀️
— Jennifer Smith
Shama, I wish for you the strength of your own love and compassion to carry you through. I am deeply sorry for this incredible hurt and loss. Sometimes, there are no words. My heart is with yours. May you feel the warmth I have felt, in the midst of such a tragedy. x
— Jennifer Williamson
I went home on 26 August 2020vand found my partner hanging from the ceiling. So many unanswered questions. So much regret. So much anger. But I remember the beauty of his heart and soul. I just wish I knew what happened that morning. Why?
— Shama Kasavan
Thank you for sharing this, Jim, because it’s a very very difficult subject to talk about when it’s common to keep quiet about it. May we all know peace.
— Jennifer Williamson
My heart is saddened by the stories of loved ones lost to suicide – a uniquely tragic grief. I lost a good friend and neighbor (and my high-flying stockbroker) to a self-inflicted gun shot wound some thirty years ago. Arriving home I instantly knew why all the flashing lights of the first responders were at his house. My friend was dead. I knew why too. My friend was severely depressed and a heavy binge drinker. When a high-flying stick he promoted crashed he crashed too.
Sometimes I think of that day and I am saddened. I can still see him riding his black Harley Sportster. I know depression and drinking too. I stopped drinking six years ago thanks to my family. I still fight the depression. Bob was my friend, neighbor and a good person. He wasn’t a son, a daughter, a father, a mother, a sister or a brother to me. Just a friend. Just a friend whose killer was himself and whose memory brings a tear.
Bless you all and bless you Jen,
— Jim
Debbie, Madeleine’s mum ~ may you be surrounded by the love and grace of your daughter’s presence always. I am deeply sorry for your tremendous loss. I too have found that touching the depth of my sorrow as well as the height of my hope has helped me find my way through such great grief. I have to read about both, understand both, in order to be fully available to this new life. My heart goes out to you as you continue forward, with Madeleine’s love as your guide.
— Jennifer Williamson
Jennifer, thank you for taking the time and the great effort to be here, to consider how you are as you try to process what happened, to continue, to share, to express your emotions and struggle and pain here. I can say that for myself, it’s so helpful to read what you wrote.
I am deeply sorry for the loss of your child and your love, Liam. My heart goes out to you. It takes so much from us to “carry on” after suicide. We have to build life-giving skills like compassion and mindfulness, we have to express ourselves honestly, and learn patience and acceptance to the max. It’s no small thing just to keep on trying and to be present for our lives.
Also, I think we can only handle so much at one time – so much trauma, emotion, heartache. Our brains and hearts need time and space to process and heal. I’ve found my memories, happy and sad, have filtered back in slowly. It took a lot of time and a lot of healing inside before I was ready to remember what I thought I’d forgotten.
Thank you for sharing what’s real and raw for you right now. Who knows who you might help or encourage by doing so. Together, we rebuild. x
— Jennifer Williamson
Debbie, I think when we speak about them and use their names and hear their names being used by others, it can be such a relief – in the way that expressing what’s otherwise pushed down and locked away is a relief. We need that. We need those conversations. I would give anything to hear my brother’s voice again, too. As the days and years go by, it always shocks me how clear and powerful his voice and presence can be in my mind, and in my heart. Sending you love and a big big hug as this important day comes by. With you. <3
— Jennifer Williamson
Thank you. This is beautiful. I am reading extensively, going toward the fire, and I need to read about both sorrow and hope to bear this.
I’m glad I found your blog.
Debbie, Madeleine’s mum (24)
— Debbie
Thank you Jen.
— Jim
Beautiful words are coming out of you. Your finding your rhythm and the notes of your words are pleasing to read.
!
— Jack Hurst
“May we open our hearts even though it hurts, and recognize that it hurts because it mattered, and that our hearts are big enough to hold it all.”
This speaks to me the most. Often I feel my heart cannot hold the enormity of my son’s death. I try to breathe and lean into the pain, which is counterintuitive and needed to be learned, yet this is a skill like any other. I try to ground into my body, and focus on something physical that I can see or hear or touch or feel. This gets me out of my head for a moment, and give my body the space to feel.
There are so many complicated emotions with this type of death. My son, my love, was also the person who killed him. I try to access the good memories and recall the love, but it’s difficult to reach them. It’s as if I’ve disassociated myself from his memories to protect myself in some ways. I’m hoping they will start to filter back in time.
Thank you for this post and for this space to express ourselves.
Jennifer
Liam’s mom (1998-2020)
— Jennifer
Thank you for this heartfelt writing! Today I need or would give anything to hear his voice again it will almost be four years on April 2nd. Second question I needed to hear his name and just someone saying it instead of not saying it because they didn’t want to bring up his death!
— Debbie