In your own due time, in your own way, one breath at a time. That's the best way to heal. If you're not sure how you'll make it through this, read this poem. Open your heart to things happening for you, to all the things that can help you. So your whole life has a little more room to breathe, and change.
“You can’t rush your healing; darkness has its teachings.” — Trevor Hall
Open Your Heart to Healing
I tried to heal more consciously this time.
With the well-intentioned thoughts
Of healing myself,
I distracted myself from myself.
I wanted to feel all my feelings;
I wanted to show up fully.
It wasn’t that I was ignoring the bad stuff;
I dove into it, willingly,
With the intention of
Being all there.
I wanted to be there for myself, but
I ended up cluttering myself with
Everything I wasn’t letting go.
I was letting myself be
In the suffering
With so much intention for
Self-compassion this time,
With so much “loving” focus on
The loss I felt.
I held on to every painful expression.
I held on to so much sadness,
A lot of anger—
Much more than I had planned for, but
Everything I had planned for.
Things couldn’t flow through me;
They got trapped in me.
I dwelled on grieving with love;
I dwelled in grief.
I relinquished my playfulness.
Exercise was too burdensome, a task.
I felt awkward with friends.
I felt smothered by everything.
My energy was already devoted:
Not enough for what I wanted, for
What I used to love;
No energy to be at peace inside.
Life had to reset.
It feels that way right now.
All of a sudden I know what hope really is.
It’s like this: I remember.
I remembered that I needed to
Finish a chapter
To be free to enjoy the next.
I remembered what it felt like to
I remembered that I need to get
So desperate for a better way,
To surrender and ask for help.
Help comes in like a generous wave,
Altering our sight, so
We suddenly see with clarity
What we’ve been needing all along.
Sometimes we need a wave,
So big, so unmistakably for us,
So that it can’t be ignored.
We need to ask for help:
Seeking new ways;
Whispering a prayer;
Walking with a friend;
We do what we can.
Answers will always be
What we’re given.
I finally asked.
I finally heard an answer.
It was too big to describe in words,
Too all-encompassing to
Condense into a single action.
I think I know why my head has felt
My body so tired,
My system so numb from the shocks.
I wanted to be so open to this pain, but
I closed my heart off.
The things I was unintentionally blocking
Were trying to get in.
I was so
Busy holding on to
Sliver of suffering.
No wonder I couldn’t hear the answer:
. . .
Which part of this poem did you need to read today?
Tell me in the comments. I read every single one, and I'd love to know.
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